


Only Human

by notnowcommander



Series: Brie Shepard [2]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/M, Post-War, Role Reversal, So much angst, end of me3
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-08
Updated: 2017-03-08
Packaged: 2018-09-30 22:00:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10173272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notnowcommander/pseuds/notnowcommander
Summary: When Brie Shepard ends up on the Citadel with Kaidan to fire the Crucible, she doesn't know what it means for either of their survivals. She thought making the choice to end the Reapers was hard, but has no idea of the struggle that will come after. A post-war recovery fic.





	

**Author's Note:**

> So I have been toying with the idea that Brie's ending breaks canon a bit (by a bit, I mean a lot), because the stories I've written about her before have also been the same way. I gave the ending a swing. Let me know what you think of it, and if I should keep writing!

_I can’t lose you again_.

Brie came back to herself with Kaidan’s words still ringing in her head. It was almost deafening, above the pain coursing through her body. It was the only time in her life she _didn’t_ want to hear his voice. 

Her vision was blurry, still clouded in the beams unforgiving white light. It was blinding before, but once Harbinger laid all their forces to waste, it felt more like she was walking toward death than toward salvation. She didn’t remember the hit, not at all. She just remembered seeing it coming and knowing it was over. Maybe she hadn’t been hit straight on, or more just caught in a nearby explosion. All she knew was that her entire body was warm with blood and the air was merciless on her freshly scorched skin. And then Kaidan was there. She could have sworn he’d been wiped out with the rest of the forces, but she heard his voice.

_“Brie… Brie come on, look at me. We gotta keep going,” he said._

_She coughed, and tasted blood at the back of her throat. She whimpered a response, and then she felt his hands on her. She cried out in pain and curled into herself, wrapping her arms around her scorched armor._

_“Hey, baby, come on. I know it hurts, but I’m going with you. I’m going to come with you, okay?”_

_She finally opened her eyes and looked up at him, just like he wanted. He was hurt too, but not as bad as her. The usual bright blue of his armor was singed off in chunks, and left parts of his dark under-suit exposed. His head was bleeding, and she could see him fighting back pain. But he wasn’t as bad as her. Not by a long shot._

_He pulled her from the ground, and she heard bits of her charred armor snap off and hit the ground as he pulled her forward. After a few steps, she could walk, still leaning on him. He favored one of his legs, and she noticed the way his armor had blown off on his left leg. Some of it was clearly digging into his skin, and he gasped in pain every few steps._

_“K,” she tried to choke out, looking up as several husks emerged from behind a chunk of rubble up ahead._

_“Shit,” he muttered. He drew his pistol, and fired off a few rounds in their direction. One went down immediately, but the others took another few shots to take down._

_“Okay,” he said, “let’s keep going. Come on. I got you.”_

_They moved forward, each step agonizing, but Brie felt herself coming to her senses just a little more. The shock of the blast was beginning to wear off, and her vision was steadying. That was until she felt a bullet sink into her side. She collapsed out of Kaidan’s grip and clutched the fresh hole in her body, and looked up as his glitching omni-tool sent the Marauder into overload, and shot it through the head. She gasped in pain and choked back tears, and hardly even felt him when he put an arm around her again._

_“Hey, you’re okay. You’re gonna be okay. Here,” he said, voice fading in and out._

_The subtle tingle of medi-gel coursed through her blood, and the wound in her stomach felt numb. She swallowed, and tried to stand up on her own, still struggling, but at least strong enough to get to her feet._

_“Good job. You’re almost there. Almost there, baby. I’m going to go with you, okay?”_

_She nodded, and took weak steps forward, before feeling the vibrating pull of the beam tugging her forward. She must have let out some kind of noise, something fearful, because she felt Kaidan’s hand on her back, urging her forward. She looked back at him one more time, and he encouraged her to go forward. And so she stepped into the light._

“Shepard?” Kaidan’s voice crackled through her comm.

Brie pulled herself to her elbows, and looked around. This was nothing like the Citadel. She had no idea where the hell she was. Hell, it looked like… it looked like the Collector Base?

“Kaidan?” she replied, struggling to speak up.

“God, it’s good to hear your voice. Uh… where are you?”

Despite her entire body throbbing, and having no idea where in the hell she was, she had to smile. She wiped blood from her lips and laughed. It hurt, but she wasn’t going to complain.

“Bout to ask you the same question. I don’t hear you… or see you.”

“No,” he said.

“I’m… in some kind of corridor. It’s dark, and it’s full of dead bodies. I don’t… I don’t get it. What are they using these for?”

“Maybe it’s best if we don’t find out?

She pulled herself to her feet, and groaned. “Yeah, you’re probably right about that. Okay… I’m coming to find you.”

“Okay. I think I’m on the Citadel. I… I’m going to keep moving forward. I see some kind of chasm up ahead. I’m going there.”

“Okay,” she replied, “wait up for me.”

He laughed. “You got it. How you doing?”

“I’m fine,” she lied.

“Really?”

She swallowed her tears and kept moving forward. Each step and breath took more and more out of her, and it felt like pulling a knife in and out of her body. But she had to find him. Had to keep going. She approached light, and turned, seeing the giant chasm that Kaidan was talking about just before. She looked down at the daunting slant, and wondered if she’d make it down, or up without getting herself killed. She took it slow, each step more careful than the next. The bottoms of her boots were somewhat intact, giving her some grip as she eased down the slope. It wasn’t until the bottom that her foot slipped, and she tumbled down after.

“Shepard?” Kaidan cried. “Shepard, you okay?”

She rolled over, and gripped at the bullet wound in her side. The ground was coated with her blood, and she wondered how many wounds she’d opened up since she jumped through the beam. She held her stomach tighter, but the pain didn’t go away. And as she struggled to get to her feet again, she let out a desperate cry of pain.

“Brie, talk to me… tell me you’re okay.”

“I’m… getting there. Hang on.”

“Okay. I made it to some kind of platform.”

“At the top of the chasm?”

“Yeah,” he said.

She moved as much as she could, taking each step slowly, but making sure at least she made them. She pushed herself up the slope and toward the bright lights at the top, praying it was the same platform Kaidan had found. She wasn’t sure she’d make it much further if it wasn’t. As she finally reached flat ground, she spotted him. Kaidan, examining a console on the other side of the platform. She went to say his name, but he noticed her presence first and turned around.

“Thank god-,” he started, and then his face went emotionless.

“What?”

“I underestimated you, Shepard,” a familiar, and very unwanted voice said from behind her.

Brie turned as The Illusive Man approached her from behind. How had she missed him? Where had he even come from? Kaidan wouldn’t have missed him, and she would have noticed someone following her. But he was hardly a man anymore. His face was marred with black veins and metallic tubes and wires bursting from his skin. His eyes glowed an inhuman blue, and she knew she’d seen this before. She’d seen it in the face of every husk she killed.

“I warned you. Control is the means to survival. Control of the Reapers, and of you… if necessary.”

“They’re controlling you,” Kaidan said as The Illusive Man stepped between them. 

“Oh Major… I thought you would have stopped fighting by now. After rescuing Shepard, after Mars. How much else are you willing to give up for her?”

Kaidan didn’t reply. The only answer was in his defiant eyes. He’d die if it meant saving her. Brie wished she’d realized that sooner. She wished she stopped making him have to make that choice. Or putting him in situations where he might have to die.

“Why waste your time with us, if you could control the Reapers?” she said.

“Because,” he began, “I need you to believe. When humanity discovered the mass relays, when we learned there was more to the galaxy than we imagined, there were some who thought the relays should be destroyed. They were scared of what we’d find. Terrified of what we’d let in. But look at what humanity has achieved! Since that discovery, we’ve advanced more than the past ten-thousand years combined. And the Reapers will do the same for us again. A thousand fold, but…”

Her head throbbed and she felt her arm raising. The voices, whispers, were too strong, and she pulled her pistol from her hip, and raised it. Kaidan looked up at her, and she wondered if it was fear in his eyes. Did he really think she might kill him? She hoped he believed in her enough to fight this. She knew she had to. He’d given up so much for her, nearly died so many times protecting her.

“Shepard,” Kaidan pleaded. “It’s okay. It’s okay.”

“Only if we can harness their ability to control,” The Illusive Man rambled on. 

“Bullshit,” Kaidan argued, stepping closer to Brie, but not too close. He was going in for some kind of rescue, she could tell, “We destroy them, or they destroy us. This doesn’t end any other way.”

“And waste this opportunity? Never.”

“Maybe you’re just so hungry for power that it’s clouded your vision,” Shepard spat out. She felt herself coming back, in waves and ebbs, but she prayed it was enough to save her and Kaidan. She couldn’t give a single shit what happened to The Illusive Man. They were here to stop the Reapers, and nothing else.

“No… no, it’s not that simple.”

“Isn’t it, though? You’re willing to give up anything for control.”

“Yes, if not me, then who? Are you going to control the Reapers? I’ve dedicated my life to understanding the Reapers. And I know with certainty: the Crucible will allow me to control them.”

Shepard fought to lower her hand, to aim the gun away from Kaidan and at The Illusive Man. But she couldn’t fight it. She’d gone through so much, that to ultimately lose to the Reapers - like this - made everything in her body hurt even more.

_The galaxy should have picked someone else._

“And then what?”

“Look at the power they wield! Look at what they can do!” he said, clenching his fist.

The wave came so strong that it made her nose begin to bleed, and fighting it weakened her. Kaidan stepped forward, panicked.

“Brie… Brie!” he said, begging her to stay with him. But something in her snapped, and she blacked out. Her gun went off and she wasn’t sure what she hit, until the vibrations faded away and she could open her eyes again. She looked up at Kaidan, as he gasped in pain and clutched a fresh wound in his shoulder. She couldn’t tell if it was his shoulder or his chest, but she hoped it was just a flesh wound. She hoped it wasn’t anything that would kill him. For them to come all this way, to give up so much for one another, only for him to die like this?

“You bastard,” he groaned, his hand filling with blood.

“I see what they did to you,” Shepard said, swallowing her tears.

“I took what I wanted from them! Made it my own! This isn’t about me or you. This is about things so much bigger than all of us.”

“Don’t listen to him,” Kaidan begged, shaking his head, “don’t.”

“And who will you listen to, Shepard? A self-righteous soldier always living on borrowed time? Someone who should have been dead several times over? What if you’re both wrong? What if controlling the Reapers is the answer?”

Kaidan smirked at The Illusive Man’s insults.

“Then open the arms, let the crucible dock, and use it to end this!”

“I… I will,” he said, stepping forward.

“You can’t, can you? They won’t let you do it,” she taunted.

“No!” he cried. “I’m in control. No one is telling me what to do.”

“You’re indoctrinated,” Kaidan said.

“No. No! The two of you, so self-righteous. Do you think power like this comes easy? There are sacrifices…”

“You sacrificed too much,” Shepard said, standing all the way up.

“Shepard, I… I only wanted to protect humanity. The Crucible can control them. I know it can. I just…”

“It’s not too late. Let us go. We’ll do the rest,” she said.

“I… I can’t do that, Commander,” The Illusive Man said, moving behind Kaidan and removing the Predator from his side. Kaidan hesitated a moment, waiting for the perfect opportunity, before reaching for The Illusive Man’s hand, and twisting it hard until he heard a snap. The Illusive Man cried out, but not before another wave of the Reaper’s power took over. Kaidan whimpered in pain and collapsed to the ground. He reached for the back of his head and his nose began to drip blood. He struggled to breathe, and The Illusive Man took the gun from his side anyway.

“You’re weak and you’re selfish. Because of you, humanity will suffer,” Shepard said, hoping she could talk him out of this. She didn’t know how long the hold would be gone, but she had to end this. End it before he could end Kaidan.

“No! No! I saved humanity.”

“No, you sacrificed us for your own selfish wants, your lust for control! You were supposed to protect us, and you failed.”

“No! I am the savior of our species! The pinnacle of humanity!” he shouted. He raised the gun to Kaidan’s head, and the gun charged. This time, completely in her control, Shepard’s gun went off.

The Illusive Man fell, and she limped to the console. Kaidan turned onto his back, swallowing hard. She wondered if it was his implant, if the Reaper indoctrination had an impact on his biotics. He looked deep in the throws of a migraine, but pulled himself up after a moment, and helped her on the console. The arms opened.

“There,” the Illusive Man said, “Earth. I wish you could see it like I do, Shepard. It’s so… perfect…”

She wished maybe she could feel something for him. Sympathy, remorse, understanding. But he’d done too much to her. To them. All she could do was look at him as he died, and know that it was what he deserved.

Kaidan slowly eased himself back to the ground and sat against one of the barriers on the platform, and sighed. She turned, and carefully joined him. He still looked bad, like he was fighting off never ending waves of pain, but he looked better. He wiped the blood dripping from his nose and squinted as the bright lights took over as the arms opened more.

“We did it,” she said, letting the pain take over again. She’d never been grateful for Reaper indoctrination before, but it had at least made the physical pain somewhat better. She rested her head against his unharmed shoulder and held onto him.

“Man, big place.”

She managed to laugh, but ended up choking on blood. She spat it out, and hoped Kaidan wouldn’t notice. “You dork.”

“No, really.”

She rolled her eyes. “You say that about any location bigger than the Normandy.”

He laughed too, and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “The Normandy’s pretty big… so…”

“Okay, _enough_ ,” she ordered.

“Yes, Commander,” he said, gripping her hand. He looked down, noting how blood stained her fingers were, and shut his eyes. He took a moment, and then opened them again. His eyes were coated with tears, and he tugged her tighter. 

“Commander?” Hackett’s voice said through the comms.

She picked her head up, and looked to the console. “Yeah… yeah, I’m here Admiral.”

Brie pulled herself away from Kaidan and tried to move toward the console. She climbed to her knees, and quickly collapsed. She looked down as blood spread across the floor. Kaidan rushed to her side, and let her hold his hand as she tried to fight back the pain.

“Shepard, are you okay?” Hackett asked.

“Admiral,” Kaidan said, through his own comm. “Admiral, I’m with Shepard right now. She’s not doing well. We’re going to figure this out. I promise. We’re not giving up.”

“It’s got to be something on your end. The Crucible isn’t doing anything.”

Kaidan stepped away from Shepard and looked to the console again. He frantically tapped at buttons, but nothing was making any sense. 

“Admiral,” she gasped, “we’re trying. I promise we are.”

She felt her vision going dark, and her body growing lighter. Kaidan turned, and saw her drifting, and got back on the ground. “Shepard. Shepard! Come on, we’re almost there. Here… take my medi-gel. I don’t need it.”

The tingle of medi-gel ran through her, but it didn’t stop the immense pain she was in. She shut her eyes, hoping Kaidan would figure something out. She hoped he’d find a way to stop them. One of his hands came to the side of her face, thumb stroking her cheek.

“Shepard. Brie, please! Hold on. Just hold on.”

And then they began to rise.

 

***

 

_All synthetics will be targeted. Even you are partly synthetic…_

Brie had managed to stay standing for long enough. She’d managed to keep herself alive, breathing to talk to the Catalyst. She hadn’t been expecting the little boy who’d been haunting her dreams, just as he hadn’t expected her to bring company. Or to face more than one person.

Kaidan held her up, and didn’t voice his own thoughts much during their talk with the Catalyst. She knew what was going on in his head, and she knew that he probably wasn’t thinking of anything other than the fact that no matter what she chose, she was facing a death sentence. 

“The paths are open, but you have to choose,” it said.

Brie looked in front of her at the options. She thought of Saren, of The Illusive Man, of Anderson… they’d all wanted something different, and only one of them truly rid the galaxy of the Reapers. She remembered what Hackett had said months ago. That the way they ended this was dead Reapers.

“Brie,” Kaidan said.

“I know.”

“I… I can’t make this choice for you.”

Brie could hardly even focus on the Catalyst, sitting there watching them. She was glad, too. This was between them. No matter what they said or did, or no matter how they tried to stop it, this was goodbye.

Her eyes leaked with tears and she shook her head. “I know what I have to do. What I need you to do is go… find a way of this station and get somewhere safe. I need you to do that for me.”

“How?”

“I don’t know, Kaidan. But I cant risk you being in danger. I can’t.”

“Too late.”

Her eyes leaked tears. “There’s nothing I can do. No matter what I choose, I have to die.”

He sucked in a breath and knelt in front of her. “No.”

“You heard it. I have to. Even if we destroy them, it’ll take me out in the process. EDI, the Geth. Maybe even you. Your implant could overload and it could kill you.”

“I’ll take that chance,” he said.

“Go…”

He shook his head. “I’m doing this with you. I’ve been with you from the start, and I’m going to see you through the end. I’m going to be here with you. You tell me what we’re gonna do.”

Her eyes burned with more tears, and she curled into him. The pain was so bad that she could hardly bear it. She knew she didn’t stand a chance even making it to the Crucible. 

“Kaidan,” she gasped, reaching for him tighter. 

“I’m here. I’m here,” he said. “I won’t go anywhere.”

“We need to destroy them, and then we need to go home.”

He tilted her face up, and kissed her softly. “I know. And we’re gonna. Come on.”

He helped her off the ground, and she felt her blood leaking onto the ground. Kaidan helped her limp toward the path she chose, and she tried to hold back her tears and gasps every step of the way. He held his pain back, and helped her closer. It was just when they were mere feet away, ready to fire, that she collapsed again. Her hands shook and she could barely hold the gun. Kaidan turned her over and rested his hand on the side of her face.

“We’re almost there, okay? Almost there.”

She whimpered in pain and reached out for him. He pulled her into his arms and cradled her head in his shoulder. 

“Maybe it’s time you stop trying to save me.”

He shook his head. “I already told you. I can’t lose you again.”

Her eyes watered and she reached out to touch his face. She was fully expecting it to be the last.

“You know this is goodbye. Even if we destroy them, it said it. It’ll kill me too. It’ll take all the stuff that’s been keeping me alive, that brought me back to life, and use it against me. I was never meant to make it out of this.”

“I won’t let you shut down. I won’t let them take you away from me, okay?”

“Kaidan… you can’t stop anything. Not if my cybernetics shut my body down. There’s _nothing_ you can do about that.”

His eyes watered and he shook his head, letting a few tears spill down. “Okay, then it better take me too.”

He leaned down and pressed a kiss to her lips, and held her close. She reached for the gun and tried to fire it. She missed, and she sensed they were running out of ammo. Kaidan’s hand curled around hers and he raised it for her, eyeing their target and firing the final bullets at the Crucible. It began to burst, send steam and fire in all directions. He looked down at her and cupped her face.

“I love you. No matter what happens to us, I love you, and I’m going to do whatever I can to keep you with me. I promise.”

All she could manage was a struggled. “I love you too.”

Kaidan picked the gun up and aimed it one last time, wincing, but pulling the trigger anyway. All at once, the world was covered in fire, and Brie couldn’t help but feel like maybe this was how it was always meant to be.

**Author's Note:**

> But wait for what comes next kiddos...


End file.
